Resiliency is the ‘ability of a child to deal more effectively with stress and pressure, to cope with
everyday challenges, to bounce back fro disappointments, adversity, and trauma, to develop clear and
realistic goals, to solve problems, to relate comfortably with others, and to treat oneself and others with
respect.’

Parents who foster these traits in kids are: empathetic themselves, communicate effectively and listen
actively, change their own ‘negative scripts’, accept their children for who they are and help them set
realistic goal, help their children experience and identify their own ‘islands of competence’, help
children recognize mistakes as learning experiences, and provide children with opportunities to
contribute meaningfully.

Executive Summary:
The book boils down to a handful of skills, tactics, approaches and solutions for us as parents to
be more empathetic towards our children. If we can empathize effectively with them (rather than simply
shortcutting and providing a solution as we tend to do), we hear them and we can help them come up
with their own solutions (while creating an avenue where they may ask for our help willingly). Empathy
is really the root of all of our communication abilities with our kids.

Our own emotional turmoil (anger, frustration), our own past experiences (what did our parents do
when we went through this? How did we react? Did we want something different?), our own habits, our
own desires to solve their problems, our inability to hear them in these moments, all interfere with our
ability to serve our children and help them grow and be resilient. By taking stock in our own past, our
own behaviors, our own ‘scripts’ that we enact, we can be more emotionally present for our kids, more
empathetic to their journey, and better able to assist them in developing their own resilience.